FORT WAYNE NEWBORN & FAMILY PHOTOGRAPHER | How to Lovingly Set Boundaries with Visitors After You Give Birth

4 hours ago
4 min read

**I have chosen to showcase the Monterroso Newborn Session in with this important post. Their cuteness will help to bring the feels.**

In those final weeks of pregnancy, it feels like the whole world is on pins and needles, just waiting to rush in, and meet your baby as soon as they arrive.

But what if that's not what you want? What if, instead, you're yearning for some quiet, private time with your newborn? It's okay to want that, and it's okay to say 'no' to visitors.

In this blog post, we'll dive into why it's important to prioritize your needs, how to set loving boundaries, and what alternatives you can offer to your eager friends and family.

So, you can enjoy those first precious moments with your baby, just the way you want.

It's Okay to Prioritize Your Needs

First off, let's bust the myth: saying 'no' to visitors doesn't make you a bad host or an ungrateful family member. It makes you a mom who's prioritizing her and her baby's needs.

Remember, this time is about recovery, both physically and emotionally. If you just want your mom or your sister, that’s ok too.

I'm THE worst example of this which is why I feel like this post is SO important.

Why am I the WORST example, you might ask...?

My husband and I had just decided to take a year off from school, move in with my in-laws, and save some money while applying to graduate schools. Just weeks into that year- I found out I was pregnant. My initial thought was- let's get a place of our own. But- because more feelings were involved than my own, we ultimately decided to stay. Lots of people who know me, know that I cite this as the worst decision that we ever made in our marriage.

Health Comes First

With a newborn, health is paramount. Limiting visitors can be a health decision too. Newborns have delicate immune systems, and it's okay to want to minimize exposure to germs.

Bonding Time is Precious

The early days with your baby are irreplaceable. They're for bonding, understanding each other's cues, and establishing a routine. Honestly, crowding these moments with visitors can disrupt this crucial bonding period.

It's About Emotional Well-being

Postpartum blues are real, and the last thing you need is the stress of entertaining. Your emotional well-being is just as important as your physical recovery.

This was honestly the hardest part for me. Our daughter had colic and was screaming from 5 p.m.- 2 p.m. from about 2 weeks to 3 months old. Living with my in-laws made transitioning into this new role as parents especially difficult. I didn't want to inconvenience my husband by asking him for what I really, really needed which was help and attention. It wasn't until I made a goal to get out of the house and go on a walk every day, did my mood start to stabilize and improve. So- my advice to you all- ask for help, get out outside, and stay active.

Setting Boundaries is Healthy

Setting boundaries is healthy for all relationships. It's a way to communicate your needs respectfully. Start by having an honest conversation with potential visitors before the baby arrives. Explain that you'll be limiting visitors and why.

Example, “I want to start by saying how grateful we are for all the love and support you've shown our family, especially as we welcome our new baby into the world. Your role in our baby's life is truly cherished, and we appreciate everything you've done and will continue to do as he/she grows up. I'd like to have an open and honest conversation with you about something important. As a new parent, my top priority is ensuring our baby's well-being. I've been learning from friends, our doctor, and our midwife about the significance of those first few days for bonding and breastfeeding which is why we won’t have visitors until baby is X days/weeks old. I want you to know that limiting visitors during this time is not a reflection of my love for you. It's a necessary step for the health and adjustment of our family and we love you so much”

Another bad example- coming in hot. I am a people-pleasing, peacemaker so I'm horrible at setting boundaries. Researching and writing this post is more of a do as I say, not as I do. But- honestly- the only thing I was good about setting boundaries around was protecting her sleep.

Offer Alternatives

Let your loved ones know that their support is still valued. Suggest alternative ways they can help, like dropping off meals or running errands. This lets them be involved without overwhelming you.

You Can Always Change Your Mind

Finally, remember, it's your right to change your mind. If you feel up to visitors sooner or later than expected, that's perfectly fine.

This is your journey and your baby! Setting boundaries is not just okay; it's necessary. And you can do so lovingly!